So Eve told Adam a few things. Conversing land and development.

Adam said to Eve – “Honey! Sorry I am late. Stupid damn meeting with God. He was asking me to tell you that we need to have kids. ”

Eve – “But I like women more, you know, bro.”

Adam: “But Honey! World-Babies-World-Build.How-How? And what of all this land and water before us?”

Eve: “Don’t worry, I will handle God.”

“And for the rest, simple! Let us start with seeing them, or living in them, of feeling the breeze and the water and eating the fish. Let us see if there are more of us. Let us…”

Adam (not understanding any of what Eve said, as always) – “Please! I am a vegetarian.

*Eve sulks*

Oh a better idea! Why not let me put some babies in you. And say you ate the fruit. And then the children will go see all of it while I watch how India beats the shit out of Pakistan in the World Cup. Because you know..It’s Pakistan. We love to hate them.”

Eve– “Well they hate you too, jerk! And I hate cricket.”

Eve then slams the door while Adam makes a dash for the sofa, putting his new phone on charge, and enjoys Virat Kohli hit another life-saving century for the Indian team.

*updates Facebook status to state aforementioned happiness, gets 3 likes*

Eve put up a hot selfie after seeing the status. 153 likes in 18 minutes. Adam dies of jealousy. Puts laptop on sleep and turns Wi-Fi off. 

*Does evil laugh in his mind*

Damn the remote is in the bedroom. *uses the TV control panel*

Damn, she won’t give me the remote!

*wakes up to make the popcorn in the microwave*

Oh nothing is wrong. I love Virat Kohli too. But he is dating Anushka. I kind-of like Anushka you know. Umm. Anyways. Yes. Moving on.

When someone tells you to visualise ‘land’ some people see exotic beaches in Brazil or the landscapes of the countryside in the European or North American continent where Kajol runs towards Shah Rukh in a dream sequence singing songs. Some who were the more brainy ones (their report cards suggested so) might even remember the NGC programmes where the Amazon jungle reporter chases the exotic snake for 3 hours to finally get a glimpse of what its teeth look like. They looked lovely indeed (I had friends too!).

Some of us will even take pride in Mother India or Do Beegha Zameen to get a glimpse of what land looks like, such dorks!

But whatever you see, land mostly looks very different when not shown from the camera. It smells beautiful when there is rain after a huge dry season. The bugs croak for water otherwise. It is what people go dig when they are thirsty. It gives them wood to cook food when they return with mud all over their bodies after the harvest. It feeds them, gives them shelter, and a livelihood and a life. That’s all it does, mostly.

The rest of the people sell it, broker it or want to build something over it. People who have a habit of cleaning the mud from their bodies before dinner do not know what they will do when it is all taken away.

Some of them fear the police; some the marching armies; some their own people who are not afraid as they have enough, so to spare. But mostly they are ready. They are ready to show that they will not give up. And they will tell you to tell the people who do not think they exist, that they exist very much. They have come a long way from listening what was told to them. They now are talking. It is better if those with no ears, listen, and right away.

Adam: “Honey please pass my laptop charger. Client call. Urgent.”

Eve passes the charger silently from the bedroom, murmuring curses about wanting to have children all the time and then slams the door back.

*She logs onto Facebook and checks review of 50 shades of grey*

*Goes to attached balcony and lights a cigarette*  

“The book was better for sure”. *puffs lightly*

The question on land is not purely of learning why the country is facing so many crises, of why the news anchors find something or the other to throw pens at each other during ‘discussions’ everyday. There is a reason behind all those farmer suicides you are told happen in faraway lands – where the poor and the farmer live.

There is no value of the labour of the poor. Apparently they only exist because you throw them subsidies – of food and education and health – and the lists go on. Because you pay so much taxes and all that is wasted because they are just so damn poor and lazy and want to do no work – and want to just sit and watch Ajay Devgn’s Himmatwala all day long.

And of course they have no idea who to vote for or plan things about themselves. That is all educated people’s job; because we need degrees from colleges to be able to think. And apparently this is how the world functions. The constitution makers were all idiots. They did bad copy-paste. Because only you can do ‘good copy-paste’

And hence they still fight to get land distribution – but the people who have so much, own all that much and want to own even more will continue to not listen,  will act to take away whatever little they have, and will call it development.

Yes, true, very development-y!

Someone told me it is in the Constitution, What – Article 21. What is that? Oh yes the Fundamental Rights. (ones which we believe we all have, just like democracy) Yes, we have that. Why? Because look at Pakistan and Saudi Arabia. We have so much better.

Feel Proud. Feel Outpouringly Proud.

*Activating your version of patriotism…activated* Yes, I feel very proud. Now don’t kill me. Please go.

*Meanwhile, Adam and Eve eat the apple after the client-call is done* There is no law for eating the apple. Oh Damn, there is. What is it called? Oh it’s the Lets-Not-Promote-Uunnatural-Things-Law. But it is their right to eat the apple. Oh, screw your Rights-Rights. Where will all the babies come from?

Yes, that is what we should worry about.

Oh and do not worry about the land. Someone will take care of it. The government right now is hell bent on taking very good care of it.

Dear Poor People – “Dear Government, I am poor. I only have little or no land. I can barely produce and compete with all that you have put me in competition with. I have to do so much work. I can barely afford all the things.”

Government – “Oh dear, I am sending our most faithful sponsors. They will take good care of you. Here, take a bank account. You don’t know anything. This is all you need.”

“But I can produce food and…”

“But you don’t have to! They will take care of everything. Go visit them or visit us and we will tell you how to deal with this. We will give you more money. See, take a TV”

“But I don’t want money.”

“Then you won’t get any.”

“But it is my land.”

“But it is no longer. See, here, it is gone, just like that. We have the law.”

“We will come to the streets, we have rights.”

“Well, we have the police. We will kill you.”

“You can’t kill us.”

“Who will know? Tell me, who will know?

Nobody will. Mostly. nobody will.