Rants of a 30-year old: shaadi kab karoge?

A few months ago, I turned 30. Anticipating what that number could ordinarily mean about a guy – single, unmarried and with no plans whatsoever to settle down in the near future, I was expecting a big showdown that day with my inner conflicts. Some days were filled with nausea. I did not know how to cope with it. What thoughts could be affecting me this much? Yes you guessed it correctly – the only thing a 30-year old must do now – shadi!

I had assured myself that this shadi business is not my cup of tea; that nothing affects me at all, till some very close friends and siblings started calling me with their sagai dates. Aana hi padega tumhe!

Day after day I went through shitloads of happy and not-so happy faces smiling for the camera, surrounded by their friends, relatives and the like. Perhaps the malai tikka and rasmalai were very good. Later came the trip photos – Kerala backwaters, Hongkong skyscrapers, beaches from Pattaya and Bali, churches from the Vatican City, even the Eiffel Tower. Some were sailing, some were taking bungee jumping lessons.

Press the ‘Like’ button I did.

Friends. Forever.

The birthday came and went – none of those deep exchanges with my soul actually took place. It still was a day of resilience, of memories I had made till date, with friends I loved meeting – like all birthdays. I thought – maybe it isn’t so bad. I still had real-time heroes and heroins in front of me, who had rejected this paradigm of love and romantic relationships altogether. Some time went by, many got engaged themselves. I was worshiping false gods. Such a tragedy!

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Ever since – my family and (most) friends, like all caring people, have adopted a mission-mode project to get me married off. No, I am not exactly young anymore. I am not exactly old either. I have slowly started running out of arguments to evade these conversations. Now I simply listen to try to wear the other person out. After a while, everyone gives up. In effect, I have re-negotiated the right to find my own mate, and settle down so they all can see me happy. I wonder why they feel I was sad – I was laughing the entire time at how the discourse had progressed in a short time. I was thinking if I could simply bolt out then I would catch the neighbour halwai uncle ji making hot rasgullas.

This idea of imposed choice is untrustworthy. How do I run the risk of finding a soul-mate, love them and even marry them – all in a year or two-year’s time? How do I tell myself to no longer chase relationships which did not really exist? How do I gather myself over failed or faltering relationships and simply move on to the next person I have a crush on?  What do I tell them? How do I deal with the panic when someone says they like me? Read them a story? Write them a sonnet? Naah. Too cliché.

But the clock is running. And I am supposedly being left behind.

I know many would share these concerns. I could point out hundreds of people being hassled everyday simply to pursue their happiness. Perhaps some would mock me for being unstable, for not diligently chasing a bangla and gaadi, or not planning things which are all very normal – falling in love, for instance. And getting married, eventually!

 

I do not mind when my mom sits me down to have a chat every now and then, ask me what is up! I do not mind if I have to go through many tatkal bookings to simply be with a friend on their wedding day. I adore all of their children. I love them when they go to school for the first time, remembering my days as well. I am glad I am connected enough to be able to see their pictures, or a video of when they first walked. It warms my heart to see how many friends have changed their ways in so many ways, and moved on to embrace a very different life altogether. I love them all, yes.

But, I also see sore eyes of the parents from not sleeping ever. I know many are irritated of being forced to choose, what they essentially did not anticipate. I know the toll child-care takes on an individual. They love it, maybe. I know how cutting potatoes and doing laundry become primary conversations for people who are so much in love. They say love soon flies out the window. Why would I even leave the windows open then? Why should I, or anyone not get to choose if we want all that, or want it in parts?

I do like someone. I am also not waiting out to tell her that. It will be years before I know what it could mean for both of us. Or a few weeks would give more food for thought than many coming years. I would never know. You would never know. I could be stuck in a loop of eternal hopelessness, or I could take an avatar myself and post pictures from Zurich or Gol Dakhana. Or I could continue doing what I do best – procrastinate.

Till then, hold your horses, mate. I have a life to live in the meantime.

Amen.

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ठण्ड की ठिठुरती रात

ठण्ड के दिन ज़्यादा अच्छे होते थे।

बहुत प्यार आये तो छत पर चौकी डाल दादी चम्पी कर देती थी।
फरवरी में कभी बारिश हो जाये तो कम्बल फिर से निकल आया करते थे।
दोस्तों की चक्कलस में बाजार रंगीन हो जाया करते थे।

तब जेब में कुछ सिक्के हों तो सल्तनत के मालिक से लगते थे।
चाट-पकोड़े मिलते थे खूब , रंगीन बैलून से मन मुग्ध सा हो जाया करते थे ।
खेलने जाओ तो ठिगुणे छीलकर आना 3 दिन तक दर्द देता था।
सहज था फिर भी जीवन।
हर दिन कुछ नया सा करने को  मन करता था।

आज भी ठण्ड ही सबसे सबसे सुन्दर है।
पर हवा खाते  कुर्सी लगाने की जगह मांगो तो 1Bhk के 12 हज़ार महीने लगता है ।
बारिश हो भी जाये तो भी नल में पानी ठीक से नहीं आता।
अकाउंट इनफार्मेशन का SMS तो आता है , पर सिक्कों की वो खनखनाहट की प्रस्सनता नहीं है।

शायद ये शहरों की बात है , जहा सच में तो आपका रूह भी अपना नही होता।
सबको भागना होता है, move-on और live-on करना होता हैं।
ज़ाहिर है , इसमें कुछ अभद्र नहीं है।
बस सिर्फ कुछ खोखला सा है, जिस्म के भीतर झाँक नहीं पाता ।

हाँ मैं बड़ा हो गया हूँ , वो बचपन की याद रह गयी हैं।
पर सिर्फ वही तो नही बदला।

क्रूरता भी तो बढ़ गयी है।
बारिश में कोई किसी को अपनी छतरी नहीं देता।
ज़्यादा पा ले तो दीवार ऊँची कर लेता है, ताले बड़े कर लेता है।

‘अपनों’ का डेफिनिशन इन शैतानों ने आकर बदल दिया है।
सब खून के प्यासे बन गए हैं, बम-बंदूकों के धंधे में चार चाँद लग गए हैं।

मेरे अंदर का बचपन इसे पचा नहीं पाता , वो चक्कलस को मिस करता है।
दादी को मिस करता है।

पर वो सुनी सी कहानियां ही इन शैतानों को मार भगाएंगे, ये सोचकर मन को शांत करता हूँ।
जब वक़्त मिल जाये , रात दिन कुर्सी लगाकर ठण्ड कर इंतज़ार करता हूँ।

 

Zameen Se Bandi(gi) : The Tale of Love. A protestor’s note

Bhu Adhigrahan Nahi, Bhu Adhikar Chahiye (No Land Acquisition, We want Land Rights) echoed the Parliament Street when almost 20 thousand people gathered in the capital on 24th February to protest the Land Ordinance which the Modi government had hurriedly passed on 30th December 2014. The protestor’s logic was simple – when the people of the country (those poor, ailing, not middle classes, mostly rural, already forced on the margins) have repeatedly said no to an aggressive and pan-national development logic in to take shape in their backyards, it was idiotic for the new government to believe that it could do away with clauses of social impact assessment and requiring consent required for acquiring land for development projects without attracting their ire. They are all reassembling, even more strongly on May 5th, again in Delhi, to reassert their opposition to the ordinance, and take forward the campaign for land rights. Meanwhile, ordinance-burning campaigns and resistance across the country has increased, inviting many illegal arrests, police firing and atrocities on the protesting people from an impatient government.

20000 people assembled in Delhi on 24th Feb to demand the withdrawal of the Land Ordinance. The media mostly dubbed it as the Anna Movement, but he mostly sat there as the guest. It was social movements and other ‘ordinary’ people who led the protests

 

What followed early in 2015, were opposition parties joining farmer unions, trade unions and social movements across the country to multiply the opposition. The Congress party defended its version of the 2013 Act – while the ruling party maintains that it will solve the ‘critical, even emergency issue’ of the need of land, much needed for setting up industries. Their logic is simple too – development is directly proportional to acquiring more land as industries need land, and the land hence must be acquired at all costs. No longer can the development of the country be allowed to halt, claims everyone in the ruling coalition at the behest of the PMO, some ministers very unconvinced with the argument themselves.
The unleashing of a singular belief in the trajectory of growth and development is a gory dream we gulp down with a tinge of nationalism. While the presented logic usually removes realities of people who do not benefit from this development idea, any other need is considered going back centuries of civilized world order.

burning ordinance
We burnt copies of the ordinance in Delhi, in solidarity with protests across the country, against draconian, and non-consultative legisaltions

 

Read  Usha Ramanathan’s analysis on the land ordinance  here.

As a citizen of the country, is it a crime to call out fellow citizens and point out failures to move towards pro-people policies, even when loud thumping by the new government dismisses all opposition from individuals and groups as a ‘political ploy’ or just a bunch of ‘anti-national’ and ‘anti-growth’ people, shouting hoarse over everything they want to do to take the country ahead?

The magnificently publicized ‘Make in India’, Smart Cities and Industrial Corridors are the avenues where all the supposedly acquired land is to go (even when millions of hectares of land lie unutilised or in SEZs or in government land banks, or simply under the capture of forest departments). While the Indian government’s logic regards huge corporate industrialization as the only saviour of the country and the economy – its methods and ways are extremely questionable, if not only the intent. Even the Supreme Court raised question of the re-promulgation of the land ordinance on 3rd April 2015, giving the government 4 more weeks to reply on the charges of using Emergency Powers under Article 123 of the Indian Constitution.

(Left) The extent of the proposed Delhi Mumbai Industrial Corridor (DMIC) (Right) Women affected by the mega project wearing topis for scrapping the project.
(Left) The extent of the proposed Delhi Mumbai Industrial Corridor (DMIC)
(Right) Women affected by the mega project wearing topis for scrapping the project.

What is the emergency then? One side may again argue that development is the need of the hour, we need land for development and more industries is equal to more jobs. This logic too, is simple; yet powerfully captures aspirations of a class who has seen the dream they were shown magnificently. Over hundreds of hours of work of PR agencies and shouting leaders – to imagine what nation do they want! How many peasants, farmers, workers, adivasis and dalits even come close to represent their views when their lands, lives and livelihoods are so vigorously debated, and becomes a cause for upheaval in the national and international arena, specially for a government which does not bother too much to care too much about protests. It sees them as an anomaly, an abnormality of sorts – led by anti-national and anti-development brigades.

The criminalisation of dissent and portraying everyone who differs with a single-point agenda of the government is a dangerous trend, especially when no justifications are given in the Parliament or outside, to the demands and concerns raised by the judiciary, activists, farmer and trade unions, journalists, academicians and the intelligentsia. It is simply my way or the highway – perhaps democracy is too much an impediment for the Modi government – who gave a call for Minimum Government and Maximum Governance as the motto of the popularly elected government.
The BJP has found itself in a peculiar position here. On one side, the parent organisation and ideological guru – the RSS has its own agendas en-route to the formation of a Hindu Rashtra. The government has also not done much to differ from the ideologies, except playing down idiotic remarks made by their ministers and MPs against religious minorities, conversions, ghar wapsi, taking away of rights – civil and political. [You know, all to save the nation from the menace that are non-(upper caste)Hindu. Very Good Maths. A+]

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HEY HINDUS, THE VHP WANTS YOU TO HAVE MORE BABIES TO SAVE THE NATION!

But will saying out anything against this would not earn people the tag of pseudo-secular, a dreaded term used by Internet trolls to dismiss all opposition to the stupid ways and objectives? Is this how the 21st century for India will go, in the hands of ever increasing power hungry people? Will ordinary citizens not understand the pain with which the people on the margins are saying no to the efforts of the Dream Man India has stumbled upon? Is the government the only source of making laws and force ways of life – will people never be consulted, their needs never given priority? Are some people more equal than others, indeed?

The loosely used ‘anti-national’ phrase does not bring a smile to people who work day and night to protect the environment, read, discuss and put forward legal opinions all advocate the need for pro-people, and not pro-corporate agendas. Perhaps it does not bring a smile on the donors of thousands of crores to political parties – hence this aggressive campaign. But to hear that from the government, even the PMs mouth only encourages them further, for they must have struck some wrong chords. Why will the PM and the entire executive work overtime to declare a bunch of people as wrong and working on falsely driven agendas? They actually must be making some serious damage.

modi

Avoid 5-star activism : Modi (No Can Do, Baby Doll, Ummah!)

The question of land and acquisition is the story of the farmer, and the landless, the dalit and the adivasi. It is the story of the woman who works day and night in the family, to keep the stove burning. It is the story of millions of people still waiting for getting their constitutional rights recognised – to preserve what is left to preserve, and to build howsoever much they can. The government can only destroy the environment, not create. It is for the local people who have held on which gives us the air to breath, to produce food which we eat and to preserve rain cycles as much as they can.

What governments do is license it out to others to destroy it, dig more mines, build thermal and nuclear power plants, divert rivers to industries – destroying and displacing communities in the process, sanction the conversion of farmland to produce smoking chimneys. Indiscriminate consumption in the name of progress is the progress of only a few, not the many – and certainly not of all. It takes away all that we need to hold dear, and hands it over – sometimes through legislation, and mostly through brute force.

 

50,000 people assembled in Jashpur, Chhattisgarh against forced land acquisition, and for demand of constitutionally recognised rights over natural resources.

Economic policies today no longer take the conditions of citizens into account. It builds a rhetoric that is backed by all that is powerful – all the wings of state power, the dominant castes and classes, and inter(national) institutional of the first world jumping to finance projects in the third world. Not many spare a thought in the middle of all this for the farmer suicides, for the landless women depending on a 300-rupee pension, for the huge threats to environment and the living reality of climate change. These are mere roadblocks in the discourse of independent nation-building. Nothing must stop marching armies of the nation even when it has to take on its citizens – to build, build and build.

Build on lives?

Then build some more. And a little more after that.

P.S. – Relax, I am not being paid by foreign agents who want to destroy any development activity in the country. I am speaking what I have felt, witnessed and imagine my nation to be – to believe in the people of the country. I claim my active citizenship, my right to dissent and to imagine a future free from the violence of the state. And not put all my trust only in a bunch of people who would want us to believe that it is okay to build houses over the bodies of dead people.  I won’t live in such houses or eat that food.

It would haunt my soul, forever.

So Eve told Adam a few things. Conversing land and development.

Adam said to Eve – “Honey! Sorry I am late. Stupid damn meeting with God. He was asking me to tell you that we need to have kids. ”

Eve – “But I like women more, you know, bro.”

Adam: “But Honey! World-Babies-World-Build.How-How? And what of all this land and water before us?”

Eve: “Don’t worry, I will handle God.”

“And for the rest, simple! Let us start with seeing them, or living in them, of feeling the breeze and the water and eating the fish. Let us see if there are more of us. Let us…”

Adam (not understanding any of what Eve said, as always) – “Please! I am a vegetarian.

*Eve sulks*

Oh a better idea! Why not let me put some babies in you. And say you ate the fruit. And then the children will go see all of it while I watch how India beats the shit out of Pakistan in the World Cup. Because you know..It’s Pakistan. We love to hate them.”

Eve– “Well they hate you too, jerk! And I hate cricket.”

Eve then slams the door while Adam makes a dash for the sofa, putting his new phone on charge, and enjoys Virat Kohli hit another life-saving century for the Indian team.

*updates Facebook status to state aforementioned happiness, gets 3 likes*

Eve put up a hot selfie after seeing the status. 153 likes in 18 minutes. Adam dies of jealousy. Puts laptop on sleep and turns Wi-Fi off. 

*Does evil laugh in his mind*

Damn the remote is in the bedroom. *uses the TV control panel*

Damn, she won’t give me the remote!

*wakes up to make the popcorn in the microwave*

Oh nothing is wrong. I love Virat Kohli too. But he is dating Anushka. I kind-of like Anushka you know. Umm. Anyways. Yes. Moving on.

When someone tells you to visualise ‘land’ some people see exotic beaches in Brazil or the landscapes of the countryside in the European or North American continent where Kajol runs towards Shah Rukh in a dream sequence singing songs. Some who were the more brainy ones (their report cards suggested so) might even remember the NGC programmes where the Amazon jungle reporter chases the exotic snake for 3 hours to finally get a glimpse of what its teeth look like. They looked lovely indeed (I had friends too!).

Some of us will even take pride in Mother India or Do Beegha Zameen to get a glimpse of what land looks like, such dorks!

But whatever you see, land mostly looks very different when not shown from the camera. It smells beautiful when there is rain after a huge dry season. The bugs croak for water otherwise. It is what people go dig when they are thirsty. It gives them wood to cook food when they return with mud all over their bodies after the harvest. It feeds them, gives them shelter, and a livelihood and a life. That’s all it does, mostly.

The rest of the people sell it, broker it or want to build something over it. People who have a habit of cleaning the mud from their bodies before dinner do not know what they will do when it is all taken away.

Some of them fear the police; some the marching armies; some their own people who are not afraid as they have enough, so to spare. But mostly they are ready. They are ready to show that they will not give up. And they will tell you to tell the people who do not think they exist, that they exist very much. They have come a long way from listening what was told to them. They now are talking. It is better if those with no ears, listen, and right away.

Adam: “Honey please pass my laptop charger. Client call. Urgent.”

Eve passes the charger silently from the bedroom, murmuring curses about wanting to have children all the time and then slams the door back.

*She logs onto Facebook and checks review of 50 shades of grey*

*Goes to attached balcony and lights a cigarette*  

“The book was better for sure”. *puffs lightly*

The question on land is not purely of learning why the country is facing so many crises, of why the news anchors find something or the other to throw pens at each other during ‘discussions’ everyday. There is a reason behind all those farmer suicides you are told happen in faraway lands – where the poor and the farmer live.

There is no value of the labour of the poor. Apparently they only exist because you throw them subsidies – of food and education and health – and the lists go on. Because you pay so much taxes and all that is wasted because they are just so damn poor and lazy and want to do no work – and want to just sit and watch Ajay Devgn’s Himmatwala all day long.

And of course they have no idea who to vote for or plan things about themselves. That is all educated people’s job; because we need degrees from colleges to be able to think. And apparently this is how the world functions. The constitution makers were all idiots. They did bad copy-paste. Because only you can do ‘good copy-paste’

And hence they still fight to get land distribution – but the people who have so much, own all that much and want to own even more will continue to not listen,  will act to take away whatever little they have, and will call it development.

Yes, true, very development-y!

Someone told me it is in the Constitution, What – Article 21. What is that? Oh yes the Fundamental Rights. (ones which we believe we all have, just like democracy) Yes, we have that. Why? Because look at Pakistan and Saudi Arabia. We have so much better.

Feel Proud. Feel Outpouringly Proud.

*Activating your version of patriotism…activated* Yes, I feel very proud. Now don’t kill me. Please go.

*Meanwhile, Adam and Eve eat the apple after the client-call is done* There is no law for eating the apple. Oh Damn, there is. What is it called? Oh it’s the Lets-Not-Promote-Uunnatural-Things-Law. But it is their right to eat the apple. Oh, screw your Rights-Rights. Where will all the babies come from?

Yes, that is what we should worry about.

Oh and do not worry about the land. Someone will take care of it. The government right now is hell bent on taking very good care of it.

Dear Poor People – “Dear Government, I am poor. I only have little or no land. I can barely produce and compete with all that you have put me in competition with. I have to do so much work. I can barely afford all the things.”

Government – “Oh dear, I am sending our most faithful sponsors. They will take good care of you. Here, take a bank account. You don’t know anything. This is all you need.”

“But I can produce food and…”

“But you don’t have to! They will take care of everything. Go visit them or visit us and we will tell you how to deal with this. We will give you more money. See, take a TV”

“But I don’t want money.”

“Then you won’t get any.”

“But it is my land.”

“But it is no longer. See, here, it is gone, just like that. We have the law.”

“We will come to the streets, we have rights.”

“Well, we have the police. We will kill you.”

“You can’t kill us.”

“Who will know? Tell me, who will know?

Nobody will. Mostly. nobody will.

Scribbling it out – For the ‘Thought Police’

A few things have been troubling me, and before it engulfs a larger portion of my brain than it already does; I feel I need to write it down and try to make a little sense out of it.

I have, also by the virtue of the constitution, and of universally respected and accepted rights by the simplest virtue of being born as a human being, the right to think. We do not yet (maybe yes) live in the Orwellian world where Big Brother ruled, as it was described. We are close, yes; but there is still no ‘maintained’ squad of the ‘Thought Police’ as he described in the timeless classic, 1984. Maybe it exists in different ways – it is only a matter of time it takes physical shape.

Why I dragged a world-renowned writer to seek justification for my arguments, I am not very sure. But when I think of all that keeps happening around me, nothing else in classical literature comes closer to explain the idea of this society which I am trying to understand, and illustrate. This is not an apologist effort or to slowly convince people to come to my side of the arguments. It is simply and plainly an effort to self-reflect, and to establish a cause-effect relationship for the future.

I do not like the Prime Minister my country has; I never did. I also realise that He is merely an image of so many things I detest that I am unable, and even unwilling to ‘look at the brighter side’. On countless occasions have people asked me why, attacked me and cursed me for saying this out loud, or thinking this out loud. This ‘argument’ today has no place in my priority of things. If someone had really wanted to understand the numerous reasons, they would have actually made the effort. But it is done mostly for the joy of heckling, I guess. I believe the question should have been framed the other way round. I should have been equally aggressive in my ‘comments’ – asking them to justify their opinions. But I never did. I lack(ed) the courtesy and energies to do so with such an alarming rate of people – to ask these questions.

Today, when I see a man up there, revered with loud thumping of people with social, cultural and political privilege, it is deeply unsettling. It unnerves a few tempers. Maybe we are indeed speaking for and with different people. Our honourable PM represents the interest of people who revere him, cheer him, throw open their pockets, and put their trust in a man who says with the roar of a tiger that he will do what he will do – dare to stop him; and people vexed with their despair of everyday life kowtow to the most supreme being.

It is no secret that the corporate money which fuelled the media-intensive campaign is now starting to get its returns, in bulk. Look at the series of constitutional amendments which have been attempted, and passed – and try drawing the lines yourself. I have been meeting people from the villages, groups and institutions which are bearing the burden of the entire ‘development’ – the claimed mandate for the current government. It has forced many to the brink of their own survival, and many are desperate to seek help for bringing into effect constitutional provisions for safeguarding basic values of human rights. When even travelling to a Tehsil office eats away so much of their income, and when District Collectors come marching in with their sepoys and force them to sign ‘acceptance orders’ to take away their rights – imagining legal right and recourse to natural justice is a little far-fetched, and at times even utopian!

It would not only be naïve to ‘wait and watch’ (as many argue) but also idiotic to let things pass. I can bring out examples of dams, mines, slum demolitions and building of malls, among the many things when I say this; but I realize that the entire debate will end up with rhetoric arguments on the development agenda (including some from my side). If only I could list down on a single piece of paper (I intend to do it at a later stage – when I can have the energy and the resources at my disposal) the coercion at the ground, the attacks on groups wanting to invoke and uphold constitutional rights, of growing polarization in the society and the fear all (not so fancily privileged) sections of our society) are experiencing, both in reality and in looming threat!

I also realize that there is growing clamour of ‘Modi-critics’– which turns off many people who really want to engage. Someone told me some time back while I was trying to evade this topic on a beautiful jolly evening – “I am willing to listen. Tell me why you think what you think.” I was lured in for an hour of exciting conversation. All it took was two minutes before the person brought out arguments on the need to be a superpower, moved on to some random statistics on military growth and what not. I was disappointed. “Read my blog and we will come back to this”, I sheepishly said before going back to cooking. During a recent train journey, of complaining of bad food in the trains, a fellow passenger said – “Modi has come. Now he will take care of this. Sabko tight kar dega.

It is one thing to not want to do something about things, and expect a superhero to come solve all your problems. But it is completely irresponsible to also make irrational choices, when millions of people are actually standing up and saying things you were not willing to hear, or know. It pisses me off , a lot!
The ‘mandate’ of the country is to be respected, and I am not wanting or willing to ‘demonise’ people who think exactly how the social, economic and political elite want them to think. And I am also pretty sure this mandate will change direction if and when ‘people’ find their interests are not being fulfilled. This is the strength and the limitation of the existing electoral system – which gives us the power to only change governments, unless people really want to engage in the concept of ‘active citizenship’ (which by fact moves well beyond criticizing politicians and parties at the corner chai stalls – now morphed into social networking sites).
The politics of the country is not my business alone. And is not your business alone. It is a historic moment today in an evolutionary process where a variety of groups of people are wanting (and struggling) to make ends meet, and live in peace and prosperity – but not at the cost of their lives and livelihood, not through the taking away of natural resources in favour of huge corporations, and not by letting the idiots of the Hindutva brigade roam free. Till the time it continues to exist, so will my protest.
What we choose to do, and think is indeed with us now. Let us not point guns at each other without taking an effort to think and understand. Let us not claim supremacy of caste, religion, gender, race or anything for that matter when human suffering does not appall us – and it does not shake the human inside us. Let us not claim to be belonging to a higher evolutionary process in the history of humans when we can actually point out why some innocent people deserved to die, and laugh about it or justify people who applaud such actions.

It is a gruesome and violent society we live in, but we do not necessarily have to live in one.

Let us change this too. Let us start with oneself then.

One at a time?

The personal is indeed political: Sharing stories, connecting the dots

 

India Elections 2014 is under the watch of everyone. There would rarely be a soul in this country today which would be unaware of ongoing elections in the country – and most of them also have strong opinions, preferences, choices and biases in this process. The towns and cities have the television, the newspapers, the huge hoardings and the ads from every form of transmitting medium. The villages have the flags, the middlemen and the saheb’s agents (of the people who own and control the land, as they called un-fondly) who influence voters. It is the election season, after all. After a few more weeks all of this will die down and people will resume their lives, having realised that not everything and all of the ‘change’ they were expecting to actually happen, eventually transpired.

They will then start finding out things, one at a time, of what will be wrong with the government of the time; a new scandal will somewhere spring up, the era of breaking news will resume to its old habit of exaggerated sensationalisation, the prime time media trials will entertain the politically committed janta who wants to keep in touch with what is happening in the country after returning from their offices. The others not fortunate enough to have offices will continue to struggle to make ends meet. The onion, or the oil or the salt or the potato will once a year make headlines. A few killings and rapes will get the attention of the media, the police, the politicians, the NGOs, and the concerned drawing rooms of the country. Many of them in other parts of the country will never be reported, and never be acted or reacted upon. Young boys and girls will continue to be killed and raped and in the meantime; some of them will be branded as maoists and some as terrorists because identifying their real killers would put many of our esteemed leaders (of the bureaucracy, administration, judiciary, sacred democratic law-making institutions, political goons, mining giants, industrialists – and all those who run the country) under the scanner. The real culprits of inciting violence against innocent people will continue to roam free, and continue to treat justice with contempt and manipulation.

Some people will care, while most will not. All of this will not change. Not unless a few things are done.

This is not a hopeless and cynical account/rant. I say this situation will not change because we have still not started asking the right questions. We have traded too many things off; respect and dignity is one of them.

Society is a reflection of the politics and vice versa. Irrespective of the electoral results, we have all already lost. We have grown impatient and intolerant, we have lost our claimed ‘common culture’ of respect of various cultures, religion, diversity of opinion, and of democracy. Expressing opinions has never before faced the scathing attacks that it faces today. Chai stalls a few decades back could see the best of friends arguing voraciously with their difference of opinions over politics of the country – today it is all occupied with stern supporters who do not stand with their leaders, rather they follow/worship them. We no longer shake hands at the end of a heated debate, we throw eggs and stones at people who disagree with us. We stoop to the levels of bringing out the most intimate details of personal lives to prove a point – of being the better because the other is worst. Is that really a justification?

Where have we reached in society? Towards progress and growth! But we have resorted to name calling rather than agreeing to the fact that there can be diversity of opinion – and although we might not necessarily agree to people, it is always human to lend an ear – see what it is that makes them believe so. We have sadly compromised on that core principle and value, and we have forced others, both young and old, to believe what we believe. We will no longer have parents and children in the family belonging to the opposite spectrum of political beliefs – we might like to believe that the choice is still there, but is it really?

I will share something to make you feel closer to what I am attempting to do. I was encouraged to truly choose; and I made choices to stand up for values that I believe in. I can today sense the feeling of pride I see in people who have seen me transform from someone who could not differentiate right from wrong, or could not take a stand. All I have done is attempted to say out loud what a lot of us have been thinking. It has taken innumerable emotions – courage, anger, rage, hatred and love to name a few to do it. It was never easy. And it came with the realisation that once you have felt all this, there is really no going back.

I grew up witnessing all forms of violence against women. I could not act then for I was too young to interpret its meaning when I first witnessed it. Gradually it became an accepted part of the psyche – it became normal, if not acceptable. It grew on, influencing many more people in the family, both men and women who built justifications around it, and deemed it normal. It was something everyone saw, but nobody did anything to really see it. Somehow it was always the woman who was to be blamed – when they forgot to add salt in the food, when the children made too much noise, when families went through financial instability, when they were not available to fulfill sexual devouring, every single time. And it was of course wrong when they wanted to get out of failed marriages, or try raising a voice, or harm the dignity and reputation of the family in any way. Such dignified behaviour indeed!

It is spine-chilling to think and write of it today. It is uncomfortable, but it needs to be said. All of us have grown up seeing this somewhere or the other, it is merely about recognising the various forms of it.  Today I will take a stand against violence of all forms and push all women as well as men in my family to recognise violence the way I can see it now. I do not care if I am called names or it brings me in any of kind of conflict with anyone – because I know it is right thing to do. I cannot wait for the world to change its attitudes towards wrong, so that it is becomes easier to fight.

It is the same emotion which makes me stand up against the practice of caste, and not dismiss it as non-existent. I will continue to protest if you compare dirt and filth with caste names, or refuse to marry, dine, or respect people from other castes. I will point out casteist behaviour if you claim higher intellectual status because you were born in a particular caste, or if you refuse to see what facts and figures have shown. It is the same position of power which allows you to blame the poor for being poor as it reflects in blaming the woman for not speaking up. This blaming is happening because the ones who can much more easily speak up and do something about it have long back given away their ability and the will to speak up – and act.

We are running away from the responsibilities of making better societies, of living in fear-less families, and of having the comfort to think, discuss and make better choices for the world we live in, politics and governments being one of them.

It is time we realise that we indeed have taken away the space to disagree with mutual respect, both online and offline. It is time to give ourselves better choices, and not choose to do the wrong because there is no right. True, we shall continue to enjoy our freedom to elect governments and people in power, as we deem fit. But it is equally important to take stands and fight battles which are worth fighting for. Let us make better societies, and not expect solutions unless we are ready to fight when will essentially have to – friends, family, society and the world.

At the end of the day, we choose our own battles. It is just important to know which side are you really on.

 


 

And to my dear friends who feel it is a lot to do, here is some faith.

 

As the legend John Lennon famously says during Imagine

“You may say I’m a dreamer. But I’m not the only one

I hope someday you will join us. And the world will live us one”

 

 

Connecting you to the world; *An ode to iPhone-ism*

Disclaimer – The expensive phone you just bought with 5 months worth of saving from the ass-rubbing job you do 12 hours a day; sucking up your suck-up boss in your multi-storied posh and pompous office – has a newer version. The iPhone X_ (the most random letter from the alphabet)

Shit! What to do now?

You were just sold the most advanced way of mobile communication in the world – which you believed was too good to be true. Suddenly it looks like truest piece of crap because you do not have the version with newer ‘something’ about which you have absolutely no idea what it does.

True, some people do not mind. They were happy with the model with graphic accelerators which made X-box look in the sideways and sigh of the old ways. But I-phone-ism was the one that made them buy one in the first place. It always hurts!

I am a medium-end smart-phone person; keeps me sufficiently occupied with its several applications; keeping me in touch with sufficient number of people. Accessibility is much easier, and is a pain in the bottom. Every time you are not online, people call you to figure out if you are alive. Why, because you have a smart-phone!

I might be challenged on grounds of individual choice here; that I might have not chosen to use the technology at all. But I must admit. I cannot afford to lose touch with these many people. It is my professional requirement to be connected all the time, and be able to check e-mails and messages while travelling to faraway places in the country. But the price for this  is a little too much to pay.

I am also a call-person. I prefer calling people who matter. This new year, when I called the most estranged friends in far-away towns, cities and countries – they were shocked. Why? Because I had called, straightaway. No small talks or asking if they were busy, or wishing them in funny and cool messages Because everyone is busy, apparently! Calling is such a courtesy-breaker!

In the era of smart-phones and the ‘i-phonism’, the most rudimentary application of the telephone (i.e. calling) is rarely used – suddenly it is ascribed as a phenomenon of urgency. Gone are the days of special night-calling packages and cheap SMS rates (I am not aware of the very young generation’s requirements for calling their loved ones. I might be unaware about such extant calling cards).

Thanks to the mobile device in your hand with cheapest internet connectivity, everyone is online all the time. You can just see who slept when, and who is ignoring you, and who is on holiday, and who is anywhere and everywhere.

Great! And that’s when privacy concerns went south in history.

Someone called me to check if I was already dead when I did not reply to their online chats for three days.  Pissed, I switched off my phone. But I had a tinge inside me which said someone was texting me – or worse calling me. I had to switch it back on. The last time I had switched off my phone for a night without telling anyone, I had missed calls in the tune of several hundreds.

I guess it just feels safe to see someone online, why do you need to call them anyways; someone had suggested.

I merely wondered. Have we replaced the pleasantness of hearing voices over merely ‘seeking information’ from their end? True, it is a boon in the fast-paced world; but what is the price of ‘keeping in touch’ with these many people – when you can no longer have real conversations with people who matter the most.

It could be ‘old-school’ or ‘uncool’ or anything the urban dictionaries suggest – but I love the nostalgia of greeting cards over long chat messages, gifts hand-packed with paper over online shopping, books with rigged covers over kindle. I love waking up to hand-written notes or hearing someone’s voice rather than formal good mornings; they reek of formality.

Inspired by the realities shown on the website ‘STOP PhUbbing’ – http://stopphubbing.com/